Rodin sculpted The Kiss. Beth Nielsen Chapman wrote "This Kiss" (sung by Faith Hill) and Jesus was betrayed by Judas' kiss.
This is my kiss.
Although the photo doesn't do justice to the actual pucker on the lips, this kiss hangs on a tree in my front yard facing the street.
As I walked up my driveway from a recent morning walk, The Kiss caught my eye. I often notice it but this day I really saw it. It caught my heart's eye for I had been thinking of love or the lack of love in the world. I had been somewhat haunted by how I concluded a prior Musing in which I wrote:
As I walked up my driveway from a recent morning walk, The Kiss caught my eye. I often notice it but this day I really saw it. It caught my heart's eye for I had been thinking of love or the lack of love in the world. I had been somewhat haunted by how I concluded a prior Musing in which I wrote:
"At any moment, with presence and mindfulness we can return to our hearts and open to who and what we find there. In doing so, we return heart to the world."
Those two sentences were easy to write as at the time I felt the truth in them. And as often happens the Universe tests me or reminds me of the severe lack of heart in the world. I read of another sex trafficking raid, the slaughter of dolphins in Japan's notorious Taji cove and the recent shooting of area dogs one by a neighbor and another by an owner.
I read or hear stories and think: "What has happened to the hearts of those who do these things?" This isn't a judgment but a yearning question.
When I become numb and disconnected from what I read, it's common to awaken with an emotional hangover the next morning. Luke warm tea or coffee, dry skin and the bulk of two pair of long underwear along with cats chasing each other over furniture and me, doesn't aide my reconnecting. In these moments I do not want to ‘practice presence’ as I had earlier written or open to who and what's found in my heart. (This seems so shallow in light of sex trafficking.)
Paper and pen in hand, I struggle because I take what I write seriously. The seeming absence of integrity in today’s world troubles me, yet if I’m not practicing what I write then I’m lacking integrity. I feel like a fraud.
If we’re all interconnected as quantum physics states and indigenous people have always taught, then my disconnect and self-hate contributes to the same in the world.
If we’re all interconnected as quantum physics states and indigenous people have always taught, then my disconnect and self-hate contributes to the same in the world.
My need to control as well as not trusting the Universe/God/the Divine Mystery that walks with me is in my face. Then I am reminded of my friend Steve Conn who sings, “You’ve got to love everybody, that’s all you’ve got to do.”
Loving everybody is the easy part for me. Loving myself is the hard part especially in times when my unlovable aspects are front and center. I considered calling Steve to suggest that he include a line that goes “You’ve got to love everybody, especially the ugly, unacceptable, controlling parts inside of you” or me in this case.
What does this have to do with The Kiss?
I've always thought The Kiss quietly sent love to passers-by. Now I realize it sends kisses to me, kisses I desperately need. The parts of me that are known and unknown need to be kissed and blessed and yes, opened to as I had initially written.
I've always thought The Kiss quietly sent love to passers-by. Now I realize it sends kisses to me, kisses I desperately need. The parts of me that are known and unknown need to be kissed and blessed and yes, opened to as I had initially written.
If I concern myself with the lack of love in the world, yet love is lacking in my own inner world, I contribute to the greater disconnect and global misplaced heart. If I do not love myself, especially the parts deemed ugly, I’m contributing to self-loathing in the world, even the hidden self-loathing of those who profit monetarily from trafficking as well as those who spend their money in this manner. If these people knew true self-love surely they wouldn’t treat another in this manner or put themselves in this position.
Is it possible that it’s not lack of heart or love as much as the lack of awareness that fuels so much of the suffering and strife in the world? Remember my cats bounding about. They didn't need my attention as much as my insides did. What if human trafficking is attention seeking behavior on a deeper level calling us to heal our sexual selves individually as well as the remnants of repression culturally which are used to sell goods as well as people. What if the path to understanding the heart of the trafficker begins with opening to what my own heart holds? What if change in the heart of the trafficker/Conservative/Liberal/Taliban member/Person of your choosing starts in your own heart?
Imagine the shift as we open truly to whom and what we find in our hearts, giving a kiss to all but especially the frightened, controlling parts. Future Musings I’m certain will come back to this. For now I authentically smile knowing that loving all the parts of me does hold a key to returning me to my heart and the heart to the world.
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