Spirit Speaks - On Looking Back and Fear

I procrastinate. My to-do list is never ending. I know "it" never all gets done at least in terms of dirty laundry, dishes and liter boxes. Yet the things on my list include stories noted but never written, piles made and never sorted and outdoor pieces bought but not sealed so they don't rust or quickly discolor.

Recently something finally moved me to undertake the later. I began sealing a table and wall hanging. Once I get started, I always wonder 'Why the wait?'  I was moving right along with this particular project and for some reason turned to find an unusual bug behind me. I greeted a black bug similar to a housefly but larger then realized it wasn't moving. I was ambivalent about picking it up. It reminded me of horse flies dodged while swimming as a kid. You only need be stung once to know how that hurts.

Yet greater than the fear of being stung was irritation. I was finally proceeding rather than procrastinating and didn't have time for a bug. I am prone to patience even with bugs including ones that are dead. I have bug jars throughout my home for escorting live ones outside. I was mesmerized with making Creepy Crawlers as a girl. And though I gave no thought to bugs during my 20's and 30's, I have returned to being mesmerized by them thanks to learning of beneficial bugs when I planted raised beds and developing a love of birds, many of whom depend on bugs for sustenance.

As one who values integrity and honoring life, I could not neglect this bug. I placed it in my palm and talked to it. I hoped its body still held Life's Light. I stepped a couple of feet to the nearby azaleas. There in the dirt was a wide, brown leaf, a perfect final resting place. I thanked it for coming to Earth and placed it on the leaf.

Then turning around to get back to work, my breath was taken by this large feather. I knew the Divine was acknowledging my having taken the time to honor the scorned yet beautiful flyish bug.

And as I held the feather I knew: "The bug represents things feared. If I choose I can hold in my palm the things I fear. Don't seal over them. Don't ignore them. Don't squash them. Don't neglect this opportunity."

I hold in my palm the things that frighten me.

What frightens me?

The vanishing of the big to the small from glaciers, elephants and lions to bees, butterflies, bats, and lady bugs in what many call the Sixth Extinction, the first that is manmade as far as we know.

What really frightens me?

That I will not fully listen and use my abilities to assist Earth, whatever my assistance might be.

What really, really frightens me?

That I will treat myself like many treat bugs. That I will squash and kill off who I am through ignoring and procrastinating listening to the small things in my life like learning to play the strumstick I've had for three years, not taking voice lessons nor fully learning French or returning to France. That I will continue to procrastinate tending the numerous stories tucked in those piles I need to sort and tucked within me.

The Divine arrives in my life in theses ways when I pay attention to the things in front of me. And therein lies another message because the bug and feather were not in front of me. They were both behind me. I am being told to...

Turn around. Look back. Tend what is behind me in the past. 

Resilience, reflection and personal courage are valued by many today, yet evidence suggests fear is highly medicated and looking back is avoided and ignored. Many believe fear is a weakness rather than normal and natural when stepping outside one's box, when expanding one's comfort zone by traveling new terrain without and within oneself. We are inundated with messages and ads not to mention upcoming political campaigns related to moving forward ie. not looking back.

Reflecting and listening to Life's chapters keeps one from getting stuck in the past contrary to what many fear.

I am grateful that allthough I procrastinate, Spirit never judges me but patiently provides messages through signs.

How does the Divine/Spirit/God/Direction arrive in your daily life? 
How do you listen? If not, what keeps you from paying attention? 
Do you reflect? 
How do you hold the things you fear? 
How do you relate to the past? 

An hour later as I finished my project I returned to where I placed the bug. The spot brought a smile to my face. The bug was gone. Whether a bird found it or the Light left within revived it, the bug was gone as I know my fears are when I consciously hold and reflect on them and when I make time to practice the things that call to me like the feather and the bug.

It is time to turn around and tend.

Dawn, The Good News Muse, 15 June 2015

dawn@imaginetheshift.com

If you enjoyed this, this might also like "The Earth is Magic" or "Fly, Shoot, Be."