From Ah-Gnaw to A-Ha and Ah - The New Balance

Ah, it doesn't get any better than this.
Rain on the roof.
Freshly made lemon chicken soup.
Red wine in a champagne flute.
(Who said flutes have to hold champagne?)
Candlelight and a pile of books by my side -
poetry, "Animal Speaks", "The Backyard Bird Bible" and Bob, yes, Bob's still in the picture. (See Oct. 10, 2009 for Bob and my history.)

This had not started as an 'Ah' kind of day. Actually it did but my wall got in the way. It started more like an ah-gnaw (very Southern for 'oh no') kind of day.

This was my first morning in the country. I intended to write, but the day started with a jolt. I pulled back the curtain and saw a cardinal lying on the deck. I gasped and felt sick. The last thing I wanted to do the first thing in the morning was have a funeral. I made my coffee, ate a bite and lest I forget erected my wall.

In December after writing about building a house of love, I realized one of the reasons for faultily built 'homes' is one's project manager goes AWOL or in my case I resist being managed even when I know management is wise. This particular morning my project manager was present and very aware I did not want to be present if that meant feeling. I also didn't want to rush out in search of film to cover the windows in case the bird had crashed or pecked itself to death thinking its reflection was a rival -something not uncommon in male cardinals. I was suppose to be taking action, writing.

I did place the cardinal in a shoebox and made a quick list of associations related to red in an attempt to stir my creative juices. Julia Cameron of the "Artist's Way" would have been proud. It was while making my list that I noticed the box was a New Balance shoebox.

'A new balancing of power,' I thought, 'since red is a color associated with power.'

I then proceeded to putz for most of the day, writing nothing but notes in the margin of a new soup recipe. I had never had such an unproductive day except for making the soup. I berated myself, felt guilty for being lazy and did none of the things I imagined like inviting neighbors for dinner. Of course none of these things were the intended writing. My inner tyrant, who stepped in after my project manager stepped out, preached from The Book of Shoulds. "If thou shall resist writing, then at least listen to an educational cd or better yet the French one that's been on the shelf for months. Lift weights and vacuum. Be productive. Clean the attic."

Finally I opted for movement. Not exercise, but actually getting in my car and driving with a goal in mind. Somewhere between buying Frenchesque Valentine's at Walgreens and washing the salt from my car even though it was now raining, I began to reconnect. My wall gradually lowered as I interacted with people who were kind and saw beauty and humor in the Valentine aisle at Walgreens.

Returning home I immediately found a spade and dug a hole near the shrub where I had repeatedly this winter seen seven cardinals hanging out. Now there would be six.

Taking the cardinal from the box, I realized the only side I had seen was colored very much like a female, shades of gray and blue with a hint of red. As I held it, I saw the side that had been facing down was brilliant, fire-engine red. This dear bird's body represented a New Balance in the world, a world in which both masculine action and doing are honored equally to feminine feeling and being, a world in which we aren't threatened by the heart nor do we misuse or neglect our personal power. It was beautiful.

The burying of the cardinal, the digging of the hole and collecting of fern fronds for its bed, doing in nature, led me to a place of being. My wall nor autopilot existed. Being engaged in a sacred cycle honoring and returning a creature to the earth returned me to Me.

Earlier in the day I had not acted from the place of new balance of which I wrote, the new balance within. My ongoing disconnect and irritation came from a place of resisting my feminine side. Instead of listening to and allowing feelings about the bird's death I compulsively moved through the day. The only tangible product of work and thus my worth for the day was soup, a soup which although it was good, had no monetary value in society's eyes and we all know society is the judge of how we spend our time. (That's another story.)

This beautiful day perfectly illustrated the importance of tending my inner balance, the balance between feeling and doing, masculine and feminine. How easily I forgot that actively tending one's inner balance contributes to the New Balance unfolding in the outer world.

Once inside, my house and myself, I knew exactly what I wanted and needed. I wanted the beauty of good food and poetry, fruits of the earth and of feathered souls, and lest I forget Bob my gardening go-to guy, who like a good project manager reminds me of what's important.

Being inside allows me to realize the things for me that have value, things connected to soul and soil, the plants and animals. It's in listening while doing that I engage in sacred cycles whether interacting with nature or others even in the Walgreens' checkout line.

The day that began with an ah-gnaw moment led to significant a-ha's and eventually to the inner 'ah' - all ultimately bringing me back to me and new balance. This is grace.

-Dawn! The Good News Muse

Here's Good News!
This Friday through Monday is the Great Backyard Bird Count a joint venture with the Audubon Society and Cornell Lab of Ornithology. Click the link in the line above to print out a list of birds in your area and count for as little as 15 minutes on of those days or every day then report on-line your findings. This allows scientists to track birds, flight and habitat changes, etc.

Also February is designated bird feeding month nationally. Click National Bird Feeding Month to learn more and check out the Backyard Bird Bible for great feeding info for the feathered souls that grace the earth.